Trimming your beard is not just some boring chore that you have to get out of the way. For those of us that live and breathe beards, we see canvases for works of masculine art.
Groom a beard well, and you mix together the pursuit of beauty and the preservation of manliness in one convenient package. That's the challenge that every aspiring beardsman takes up, whether said beardsman is a professional barber that clips beards for a living or your average Joe learning how to take better care of his own beard.
But sometimes – sometimes – we feel like stepping back and making a little fun of ourselves. Nothing like a light-hearted jab to help us appreciate what we have. And what better way to do just that than to pick up a few games that revolve all around beards?
Trimmer Tycoon by Improx Games
Ever wonder what being a professional beard barber feels like? Well, Improx Games' charmingly pixelated gem is a pretty good start. Trimmer Tycoon is a PC game that puts you in the shoes of an entrepreneurial barber. You have your trusty trimmer for bulk work, and a pair of beard trimming scissors for finer work. Customers walk in, expecting you to not just style their beards but also to pick the right color. That means playing around with a red-yellow-blue slider until you get the colors right. You start off in a tiny-ass room with cracked tiles and a dingy old desk. Plug at it long enough, and you'll eventually be managing a bustling salon filled with professional beard barbers.
Best part: the base game is actually free on the Steam digital games platform. The latest update, which the developers call the REBIRTH update, introduced a host of features that made the game much more manageable. A 'beard-o-meter,' an accurate tutorial, and adjusted in-game values all make Trimmer Tycoon a pretty enjoyable title. Perfect for beard lovers that have a few free minutes to burn.
Shave Time on NewGrounds.com
Most flash-based shaving games are pretty crap, to be honest. Shave Time is an exception to the norm. This is one of the better games that eschew the girly aesthetics of beard trimming games. The art style is actually pretty attractive, and the gameplay is simple but solid.
Five clients walk into your shop, and you have to shave off their beard and hair to match their desires. You can choose between "stylish," where you take your time shaving, or "speedy," a time-attack mode where you have to shave as fast as you can.
Shave Time has surprisingly robust replay value thanks to its puzzle-like approach to shaving. Feeling burnt out at work? Got a few minutes to spare during your break? You can load up Shave Time at work and knock out a few rounds of "speedy" to regain your concentration. It's just one of those games that are perfect for short bursts of distraction.
Crazy Shave by Bluebear Technologies Ltd.
If you like shaving on the go, you can do a lot worse than pick up Crazy Shave on your phone. The game is available on iTunes for Apple devices and the Play Store for Android devices. It's a surprisingly robust shaving game, with heavy emphasis on shaping beards. You can trim, buzz, shave, and style to your heart's content. It also utilizes a charming, cartoonish art style that does away with the dress-up aspect that comes with the vast majority of shaving games on mobile platforms.
This makes Crazy Shave stand out among its competitors on mobile platforms. See, most other mobile shaving games cater toward women. Pretty boys that sparkle after their shaves, limited styling options for beards, a heavier emphasis on swapping out worn apparel – these characterize shaving games for girls. Crazy Shave leans more toward a fun beard trimming and styling experience without leaning too heavily on the girly stuff.
Super Barbie Beard Shaving on GaheGames.com
Speaking of girly shaving games. Wow. Just… wow. We don't want to spoil anything, but this epic parody of dress-up girl games is well worth a try. It's a flash-based browser game, and is available on other sites such as Mafa.com and PlayEma.com. Don't expect depth or replay value here – just a few WTF moments coupled with a laugh or two.
In fact, Super Barbie Beard Shaving is the perfect game to share with other beard fanatics you may know. Shaving Barbie's nasty beard is worth at least a few chuckles, especially for those with a twisted sense of humor. Do note that there are also other games that parody girly shaving games: Shave Conchita Wurst, Zombie Shaving, and Dora Beard Shaving to name a few. Perfect for when you need a bit of the lulz to brighten up your day.
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt by CD PROJEKT RED
Wait, what? This game has nothing to do with shaving! What's it doing on this list!? Well, it's one of the few video games on the market where the protagonist's beard is something that grows over time. Each passing day means more hair growth. You can let it grow to the point where you develop some pretty thick and scraggly growth. Or you can visit a barber, though you can only choose to have it shaven clean off. Still, it's a pretty neat little touch to see in such a high-quality game.
A lot of characters in The Witcher 3 also have some pretty glorious beards, from grumpy and miserly dwarves to posh nobles asking for favors while keeping a knife ready to stab you in the back. If you're looking for one of the best triple-A games on the market with a generous dose of beards and beard management, then you really can't go wrong with The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. Oh, and it's available on the Windows, Xbox One, and PlayStation 4 platforms.
And there you have it: five games for the beard-loving enthusiast to enjoy, from pick-me-up distractions to epic quests spanning hundreds of hours. Liked these games? Have something to say about the games? Maybe found a nice little beard-centric game you'd like to share with us? Feel weirded out with Barbie's nasty-ass beard? Feel free to leave a comment in the comments section down below! Oh, and don't forget to share if you loved our selection of beardy games!